Worst Essays Funny

Worst Essays Funny-48
Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at p.m. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

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I’m involved in a number of extracurricular activities, such as jazz band, peer tutoring, and undergoing several emotional crises at any given time. Most people don’t have a favorite Germanic death god, but I sure do. What sets me apart from the thousands of other applicants is that most of them probably haven’t spent a lot of time living outside the law. If my demands aren’t met, I’m prepared to burn this place to the ground. You’ll notice my entire essay is just pictures of pugs wearing hats, and no, that’s not a mistake. It all started about eighteen years ago, when my parents decided to have sex.

I think the biggest issue facing society today is that we as a species can’t decide if the waffle taco is inherently good or evil. One time I overcame adversity by just, like, trying really hard. Ernest Hemingway once said, “Write drunk, edit sober,” so with that in mind I’d like to make a confession.

A common mistake that students make when tackling their college essays is to pick the wrong topics.

It's a huge turn off, for instance, when applicants write about their sports exploits or their pets. You might be the most amazing person on the planet, but nobody wants a recitation of the wonderful things you've done, the people you've encountered and the places you've visited.2. Do you know how many millions of teens have written about scoring the winning goal, basket or run?

Often times, it is the only way a student can get his or her voice heard.

The application itself provides the biographical information: class rank, SAT scores, class choices, and community service.

For me, the road to self-actualization began the first time I ever set something on fire. I have many interests, including but not limited to sharks, bread, and the Archduke Franz Ferdinand. A problem I would like to solve is global poverty, and also the rampant misconception that Thin Mints are the best Girl Scout Cookie when clearly it is Tagalongs.

UPDATE: Tens of thousands of readers have found this post and hundreds of you have commented.

My short-terms goals: find out how many Crunchwrap Supremes is Crunchwrap Supremes. I would like to attend this school because my parents are forcing me to write this essay. I’m not that great at writing, so in place of an admissions essay, please accept this Internet meme.

Dude sure knew how to wear a pair of buckskin breeches. My talents include complaining, criticizing other people’s fashion choices, and bloodletting. My long-term goals: graduate in four years, find a decent job in my field, and have a sizable amount in my 401k by the time I’m 40. The world is ending in 2017 thanks to a solar eclipse, or something of that nature.


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